I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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