In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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