We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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