I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
