Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
