Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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