I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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