apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
