nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
