She is in my trunk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
