one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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