he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
