theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
