pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
