How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
