All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
