party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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