So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
