these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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