i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
