She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
