the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When did angry sex become our thing?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
