Where are you?
In a non slutty way
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
