I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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