is your mom at the bar?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
