Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
