i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
