Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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