how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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