I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
