i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
