I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
