who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
