this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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