she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
