she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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