so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
