i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
