dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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