my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
