I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio