Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes