just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
