Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
