U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
