yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
