I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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