ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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