my soul wont recognize me after tonight
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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