You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
