the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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