He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
