I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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