i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize