I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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