i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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