she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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