No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
