Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
