Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
