So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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