I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
