Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
