it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
