I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
