you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i came on her dog
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
