don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
