i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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