dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
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is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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