So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
