omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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