I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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