Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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