if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
