Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
