My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
