There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
