Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
