I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
