So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
