wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sext me about skeletons
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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