His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
